I’ve just woken up for the same reason for the third time since going to bed last night. A loo experience seems to be of utmost importance. As I slide off side of the bed, I notice that my feet are still swollen. My mind feels cloudy and my mouth feels parched, as if I had taken a certain medication the night before; but I hadn’t. My body feels like it weighs twice as much as when I went to sleep. Taking deep breaths as I peer into the mirror, I notice that my face is extremely puffy. Good morning, is it?
Gathering my thoughts and trying to collect myself, I began to mentally relive yesterday. It started all well enough (watching the sunrise, meditating, reading Captivating) but as the day wore on, my motivation wore down. I decided to take the “day off” and became a couch potato complete with continuous munching, which started all well enough (cauliflower and broccoli) but as the day wore on, my discipline wore down. The image of my last snack before retiring for the night brought a vivid explanation for the swollen feet, puffy face, foggy mind and sluggish body. Yesterday is invading today. I suppose it’s time to get to work on damage control and try to regain some sort of balance, for no one would consider me a balanced person in this moment.
How true that is in life actually and not just with food. Yesterday does invade today with the impact of the decisions we made and the actions we took. Whether they were good ones or bad ones, today will be a witness to those decisions and those actions. We each have our own unique set of circumstances that requires personal consideration and care. You may be capable of doing something that would be totally harmful for me and vice versa. To borrow from Shakespeare:
Polonius: This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
Laertes: Most humbly do I take my leave, my lord.
According to Psychology Today,
‘”To thine own self be true” is one of the underlying tenets of recovery. But how do we honor this wise sentiment by Shakespeare? One way is to check in with the “me” that I’m trying to be true to. Checking in can involve slowing down, writing, meditating, and noticing what we are experiencing rather than running on autopilot. Checking in tends to involve tuning in to our body or to our “higher self,” rather than tuning in to our “monkey mind” (the running commentary that we are telling ourselves.)’
Our “monkey mind” plays tricks on us, guiding our emotions and our actions by the thoughts that we listen to. This monkey mind of mine is easily influenced by the people I’ve been with and the circumstances I’m caught in. This monkey mind of mine doesn’t always dwell on the Truth but on perception. When this monkey mind of mine doesn’t perceive love or validation, I tend to reach for the foods that are enemies to my body, for places and things that are enemies to my finances and for people who may in the long run be enemies to my heart. In other words, when it feels like my soul is crying out for life, for love, for hope, I kill it in my own subtle ways.
Yet I know that I know that I know that when my soul cries out for life, for love, for hope–it is a cry for Truth. Truth may not be easy to face but Truth is never the enemy of my soul. Actually, with Truth comes grace, forgiveness, love, healing and redemption–all for me–not for the food, places, things and people I’ve turned to. It just may be time to get to work on damage control and regain balance.
Yesterday is over and today has just begun.