Overwhelmed, Blown Away–Protected

Like a preemie held firmly within Almighty Hands, I have felt cocooned and altogether overwhelmed and blown away in these six weeks since the move into my home.  The four months of waiting and wading through due process was riddled with unexpected obstacles and gave birth to unimaginable blessing.  Yet all that testified as a weak witness to what was to come. 

 

Anne Geddes

 

In the morning when I step onto the front screened porch, I am nestled by the sights, sounds and smells of oak and cedar trees, horses and red birds, honey suckle and wild flowers.  In the cool of the evening while working underneath these trees, cleaning up the remnants of the fall leaves, the squirrels scurry about yet coming ever so close, unafraid and not offended by my presence.  Long before the sun sets, the cool breezes ruffle the branches overhead and spur on the tree frogs to serenade me with their unique symphony.  Even as I turn the lights out, I still hear their song as the dark of night settles about me.  There is an overwhelming sense of serenity and peace, acceptance and belonging. 

Each time I leave the property and as I return, I gaze in wonder at new blooms and jewels I had not noticed before as I approach my home.  Each time I walk through my home, I gaze in wonder at the things that fill it even though most of those things have been in my possession for years and years yet now they seem altogether new.  Each time I step into the tub, I am in awe at how much more easy and safe independence is with stainless steel grab bars now firmly in place.  I have never had access to these before, aside from hotel stays.   There is an overwhelming sense of respect and honor, love and affirmation.

A few days ago, the real estate agent who walked with me through the process of gaining the home returned, not for a social visit, but for a day of service.  She brought with her shrubs, bushes, flowers and mulch that she along with a half dozen members of her office used to landscape around my front and back doors.  I watched as they transformed the corners of bareness into beds of color and life.  I also watched in wonder as pallets of lumber and cement were unloaded.  Tomorrow the agent and her team return to build a handicap accessible ramp to my back entrance. There is an overwhelming sense of expectancy and discovery, wonder and newness of life.

Today I went to the local Mexican restaurant.  I’ve been curious about it ever since I moved back to my hometown.  I couldn’t imagine this small town actually having multiple cafes and restaurants, having such diversity and options.  It was 4 PM and I was the lone guest.  I genuinely smiled at the man who greeted me at the door.  He reminded me of a friend from long ago.  I enjoyed the meal tremendously and cleaned my plate that was abundantly filled and graciously served.  I smiled mischievously when I saw the surprise on that same man’s face when I walked away from the register without waiting for the change.  In amazement, he asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  I was still smiling as I stepped toward the door … and forgot about the slight decline just in front of it.  I began to lose my balance but wasn’t alarmed.  I knew my cane would balance me again.  Suddenly, I felt two firm but gentle hands around my rib cage.  The man was offering his strength for my weakness.  I will never forget the feeling of those hands around me.  There was a pregnant pause.  He then escorted me to my car as if I were made of gold. 

When I returned home, the news delivered the facts and displayed the photos of the devastation left in the wake of tornadoes of historic proportions.  Still conscious of the impression of those hands, taking in the magnitude of loss and damage from a force of nature, my senses became alert to yet another overwhelming fact of life.  “How Great Thou Art” was being sung on a nationally syndicated game show.  I sat overwhelmed and blown away, yet acutely aware of being protected, of being loved, of being royally esteemed.

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Clinging to the Constant

Clinging to the constant can bring a beautiful and abiding sense of security, filling us with an awareness of a settled place that all is right in the world.  Clinging to the constant can bring a foreboding and abiding sense of dread, filling us with an awareness of a settled place that there is no option but wrong in the world.  Whether the constant in our life is a source of joy, affirmation and pleasure or is a deliverer of oppression, fear and pain, the constant is not an omnipotent force over life forever more.

Our life may be adorned with loved ones, accomplishments, health, abundance and beauty.  Rejoice for it and celebrate it often.  Be thankful and embrace it fully for in the natural course of a lifetime, there are endings and beginnings and what happens in between may be different tomorrow than it was today.  The future may be a far cry from the past, in time and in blessings. 

Our life may be riddled with challenges and obstacles, pain and lack.  Success seems just over the horizon like the setting sun and it feels like we are bound under the heat of noonday.  Do not lose hope and do not turn back.  Do not be blinded by the glare of the heat for in the natural course of a lifetime, there are endings and beginnings and what happens in between may be different tomorrow than it was today.  The future may be a far cry from the past, in time and in cursings.

Clinging to the constant is a tenuous and a fragile strength, unless the constant into which we lean has the depth and the strength of the Rock of Ages.  Let not the foundation of blessings on which you now stand become a stumbling block.  Let not the bed of adversity on which you now lie become a prisoner’s cot. 

Pouring from the Rock of Ages is grace to embrace the blessings and the cursings that surround us.  Settled deep within Grace, neither the glorious blessings nor the scorching cursings will consume us if to the Rock we cling.  If to the Rock we cling, our path will not become slippery when our lives are anointed with oil.  If to the Rock we cling, we will not thirst when we are led through the desert.

Hope Deferred

Though I love you, and understand that you love me, we cannot be together.  We quote the same ideals and we profess the same convictions, yet when we are together, we tear each other apart.  I have read, and I have learned by loving you that this is indeed true, for “Hope that is deferred afflicteth the soul: desire when it cometh is a tree of life.”  For each hurdle that we overcome and each attack that we recover from, hoping for peace with you and from you is hope deferred.

You have other relationships that are healthy and so do I.  Respect is key and the camaraderie and laughter flow naturally like drops of rain of a spring shower.  Acceptance is a two-way street and joy paves the way bringing warmth and encouragement like the morning sun after midnight’s darkness.  But when you and I come together, face-to-face or across a telephone line, the words become like lightning bolts that slice and electrocute from far across the heavenly skies. 

With fear and with trembling, I am making a decision to keep my distance, in word and in presence.  The choice may feel to you like an action of rejection but in Truth, my heart is sick and I cannot continue on.  The decision does not mean that I do not love you; the decision is a step in the direction of a love that is healthy, like an oak tree richly rooted by the river of Living Water. 

It is true that the heat will come, for your identity thrives by whom and how many are around you.  I know the heat will come, for your family will reflexively attack when the weight of my decision bears down upon them. 

But I am confident of this Truth that a tree planted by the river of Living Water has no worries in a year of drought and will never fail to bear fruit.  Its leaves are always green. 

My desire is that the love that we have for each other will become a tree of life to the other and to those around us; perhaps one day, so it will be.