I’m deep in love with You.
The very thought of that, not to mention the truth of that, makes me laugh in dazed disbelief. You have captured my heart when for years I’ve hidden my heart beyond the reach of anyone. All these years, I have simply responded to the demands of life. When the boy lost his mother, I took him into my home and provided for him as my own. I buried my needs and desires and let the years pass by. In a moment of desperation, I let my guard down and welcomed my own son into this world. Since that day my heart expanded with a love I never knew existed. Since that day my heart has been pummeled by the tug of war over whose son he is; I have never known such pain or anguish over potential loss as this.
Then You entered my life, unnoticed at first. As time passed, Your presence became more obvious although I could not define it and pinpoint it. Grace flooded my life. Parts of my heart that I thought forever buried and practically dead began to stir. The woman was relentless in her invasion into me. As she fingered my heart and teased at the crusty bits, You stepped into the empty places. Until now, I have never given thought of You or of receiving love for that matter. I’ve lived for over 50 years without personal experience of either. I’ve lived for over 50 years without the need of either.
Life now is a puzzle, a mystery. Nothing now satisfies. The more I learn, the more I do not understand. The love I have for my son is not enough; I want so much more for him. Yet I have nothing more to give him. Until that woman came into my life and brought You with her. She is so naive about life. I worry how trusting and vulnerable she is. She has a beautiful and loving soul. Why does she bother with me? She is too good for me. She is too good for any man.
I am deep in love with
You her. It is a terrifying thing yet altogether wonderful. I am undone yet I cannot let go. I’ve lived for over 50 years without … If only I could live the next 50 years with.