When we are in the process of finding ourselves and learning to accept who we are, every person/circumstance in our life brings anxiety of ambivalence. We constantly hunger for that which makes us feel alive, daring and challenged. It’s almost as if we need a force (person/circumstance) who is in charge and in control to set the boundaries in our life because we have no clue where the boundaries are that define us and are inept at determining our worth. If we have the strength to stand toe-to-toe and even overcome that which challenges us, we have established ourselves as valuable. These expectations will inevitably lead to disappointment and a lower self-esteem so therefore we must attack that which failed to establish our boundaries and define our worth. The people and circumstances that are constant and predictable we look at with disdain for we view them as though we can bend them to our will and our control. We are the stronger force and we are rather bored with the lot of them.
When we know personal stability, strength and security, there is no longer a drive within us to bounce through life not unlike the ball in a pinball machine. All the sharp bells, loud colors and need to win becomes an empty source of entertainment. We no longer look to others or things to complete us and we invest little time with those people and things that want to consume us. The pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future no longer are our motivation; they are but mile markers in the journey we deliberately and willfully choose toward wholeness and contentment.
The longer we refuse to build our foundation apart from Truth and rely on volatile emotions and precepts, the more scars we will bear. These scars will not bear testimony of the battles we have fought and won, but they bear witness to everyone but ourselves that we are creating our own prison.