This morning when I woke up and was ready to leave the bed, I felt relaxed and refreshed. I realized then that I had not been disturbed during the night–neither once, twice nor thrice–for loo visits. I tested a few joints that are sensitive; they all responded with freedom of movement, a relatively good range of motion and without pain. I threw back the covers and looked at my lower extremities, ankles and feet. They were not swollen; the delineation of skeletal structures could actually be seen. How beautiful!
With no plans to leave for places known or unknown, I began the day in leisurely fashion. I tried out a new blender and entered into the world of miracles and smoothies. It was my first time to use a blender and my first time to consume this new drink that is all the craze for healthy living. Out of curiosity, I got out the tape measure, jotted down a few numbers and compared them to digits from eight days ago. How beautiful!
Wait! Can all this be true? I wake up feeling relaxed, refreshed and relatively pain-free. I have responded with “How beautiful!” twice already before noon. I am not rushing out the door. There is no bad news via e-mail or phone calls. I paid the bills and still was able to buy a blender and begin something new (and possibly healthy). Something must be wrong!
How odd, and altogether interesting, to think something must be wrong when there is evidence of health and beauty all around. I thought about that observation while I experimented with various remedies for yellowed underarms of white shirts. I contemplated the irony of being surprised when things are good and lovely.
I let the shirts continue to soak and retreated to my back patio. With a book in my lap which rested unnoticed, I stared blankly into the woods, watching the play of shadows in the wind and the dance of light through the trees. My mind took a journey down the path of this redundant question. If, 20 years ago, I could have had a vision of today, what would I have done differently? More than a few things come to mind actually.
- I would have been more proactive and aggressive with weight management, exercise and diet. I would have been wiser in the sun.
- I would have not rewarded bad behavior with extravagant gifts.
- I would have been more knowledgeable of savings and investing/retirement.
- I would have not chased after the time and acceptance, attention and blessing of others.
- I would have walked away from crazy-making circumstances a lot sooner.
- I would have waited longer for my first kiss.
- I would have applied for Disability before totally running my body in the ground.
- I would have memorized more Scripture.
- I would have not given up hope and walked the path of fools.
- I would have applied discernment and wisdom more than I caved to emotions.
The list of ‘should have’ and ‘would have’ grows long without too much effort. Yet to think something must be wrong because there is evidence of health and beauty all around is a sad and uncomfortable verdict. Life is often peppered with misdeeds and misadventures, an irrefutable statement of fact. But life is also seasoned with goodness, mercy and Love all the days, all the days of my life.
“You are the salt of the earth;
but if salt has become tasteless,
in what way can it regain its saltness?”