Hope Deferred

Though I love you, and understand that you love me, we cannot be together.  We quote the same ideals and we profess the same convictions, yet when we are together, we tear each other apart.  I have read, and I have learned by loving you that this is indeed true, for “Hope that is deferred afflicteth the soul: desire when it cometh is a tree of life.”  For each hurdle that we overcome and each attack that we recover from, hoping for peace with you and from you is hope deferred.

You have other relationships that are healthy and so do I.  Respect is key and the camaraderie and laughter flow naturally like drops of rain of a spring shower.  Acceptance is a two-way street and joy paves the way bringing warmth and encouragement like the morning sun after midnight’s darkness.  But when you and I come together, face-to-face or across a telephone line, the words become like lightning bolts that slice and electrocute from far across the heavenly skies. 

With fear and with trembling, I am making a decision to keep my distance, in word and in presence.  The choice may feel to you like an action of rejection but in Truth, my heart is sick and I cannot continue on.  The decision does not mean that I do not love you; the decision is a step in the direction of a love that is healthy, like an oak tree richly rooted by the river of Living Water. 

It is true that the heat will come, for your identity thrives by whom and how many are around you.  I know the heat will come, for your family will reflexively attack when the weight of my decision bears down upon them. 

But I am confident of this Truth that a tree planted by the river of Living Water has no worries in a year of drought and will never fail to bear fruit.  Its leaves are always green. 

My desire is that the love that we have for each other will become a tree of life to the other and to those around us; perhaps one day, so it will be.

 

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