I constantly am tossed to and fro from this world to the one which is other worldly. This world darkness defines and the other, well Love resides there. In the heavenlies, there is peace beyond understanding and continuous serenity infusing the soul.
The day is coming where I will leave this world and enjoy for all eternity all that Love is and has to offer. The uninterrupted presence of Love means uninterrupted acceptance and joy indescribable. Every day will feel like Christmas as the gift of Love will be present without hindrance or distortion.
But for today and every day on this earth, I am ever aware of you. Though the presence, and the power, of Love is here and accessible to all who will call and receive, you power and influence are tangibly seen and felt.
You boast heatedly of your power and your influence and I often wonder if it is nothing but hot air. Then when I see you face to face and I see the glint of hate in your eyes and the depths of darkness in your heart, I wonder no longer.
Each day that we tarry here on this earth, I see more clearly your father in you. It may be the similarity in physical appearance but most assuredly the similarity in personality. He knew how to bully and so do you. He knew how to hide his dark side and so do you.
Many thought of him as talented and spoke as if he would give the shirt off his back to help the struggling one. Many think the same of you. But we knew him differently. We knew him behind closed doors and out of sight of the public eye. Not unlike you.
I have been petitioned to write the Christmas story but I lie awake in the night as flashes of you dance in my head. Snippets of you holding me down on the bed and prying my eyes open so that I can hear you better phase out and into the moment where you said you loved me, for the first time. And these words came only moments after being imprisoned, verbally and physically bruised by you.
You promised that if I did not learn to submit to you that you would make sure that I would be ostracized from your family. You promised that you would, and could, institutionalize me. Your power is a hellish force to withstand and behold.
Your anger doesn’t come in just direct attacks but in subtle ways as well. The forgotten inclusions and passive exclusions, the deliberate criticisms and cruel jokes, and the withholding of any kindness or grace have all been noted. Your tongue is like a serpent, ready to strike and lethal in its purpose.
You have labelled me as bipolar and as narcissistic but my gifts to you of thoughtfulness and sometimes of luxury elicit your anger and not your gratefulness. When we are in the same place, I watch you gracefully banter with and welcome any who come in and if your attention should pivot my way, I feel, see and hear your disdain and your wrath.
The holidays are here and the Thanksgiving table will be heavily laden as you have ordered it to be. But how bitter it is to dine with you when all I have for you is pity and fear. The Christmas story heralds in the good news of hope, joy and peace but peace for me on this earth will only be after death has released me from you.
In that moment in time, there will be a great celebration for freedom will be mine and the heavenlies will rejoice that another one has returned home. My dark nights will then be over and words of love will lose their destructive promises. In the blink of an eye, in a sudden moment in time, your reign on this earth will cease and there will indeed be peace on earth.