The rocking side to side began I don’t know when. It starts unconsciously and for how long I rock before I become aware of motion varies. I think it happens when I am in a passive frame of mind, as in watching TV or waiting. I’ve often wondered why I do this. When I notice my movement, I will stop. Then as soon as I return to my unfocused state, the rocking from side to side resumes.
Perhaps it is a sign of boredom. Perhaps it is nervous energy. Perhaps it is labile anxiety rising to the forefront when the mind and the body are in a condition of rest.
The rocking side to side is a source of perplexity more so than shame. I find myself in this form of motion when I am alone; I have not noticed it when I have the attention of others. I do swing my left leg back and forth when they are dangling above the floor and I am having to be respectfully silent yet there is much activity in my thoughts.
Perhaps it is marking of time like the swinging of the pendulum below the mechanism of the clock above. Perhaps it is rhythmic affirmation of false control in uncertainty.
The rocking side to side is a personal habit. It is unexplainable for when it comes and goes and it is undefinable in its effectiveness. It reminds me of prayer for often we know not why we feel so moved to do so nor how to pray. We do not always see the results but when there is much frenetic activity in life it is the only thing we can do.