Underneath this blanket of anger
lies a mattress of hurt
and a box spring of fear.
I lay me down to sleep
with my head on a stone
for a pillow as peace escapes me.
Wrestling throughout the night
even in sleep I long for answers
as principalities swirl all about.
Bathed in unrest and bitterness
tears anoint the place where I laid
and so I rise to face another day.
Yea, though I struggle and am now
marked by the peculiarity of Jacob
I have seen God face to face.
The answers to my heart’s burdens still
escape me and riddle me daily but
nonetheless I march on with knowledge of HIM.
I have seen HIS glory and yet lived to tell
of HIM so therein I can lean upon the firm hope
of HIS steadfast love and blessed promises.
The gifts and things on which I previously relied
have lost their glitter and their value
when now it is HIS glory for which I live.
In humility and in greater dependence
I walk as a cripple still not knowing
yet in full knowledge of HIM alone.
In the full knowledge of HIS Sovereignty
I will soldier on as the baggage I carry
becomes lighter and lighter still.
From within my infirmity I have been
delivered, healed and given a new stride
which signifies to all the presence of HIM.
From within my infirmity my praise
becomes the message that it is HE who heals
and delivers and redeems those who lean on HIM.